Thursday, June 17, 2010

Prospekt's March/Poppyfields

Smoke is rising from the houses
People burying their dead
I ask somebody what the time is
But time doesn't matter to them yet
People talking without speaking
Trying to take what they can get
I ask you if you remember
Prospekt how could I forget?
Here it comes
Don't you wish that life could be as simple
As fish swimming round in a barrel when you've got the gun?
Oh and I run
Here it comes
We're just two little figures in a soup bowl
Trying to get behind some kind of control
But I wasn't one
But here am I on my own in a separate sky
And here I lie on my own in a separate sky

I don't wanna die on my own here tonight
And here I lie on my own in a separate sky

Love is a many painful thing

Oh my very fallen self
splattered all over the earth
over mountains
over the sea
parts crashing, crumbling
like waves on the sand

My fallen self, completely shattered
ruined, lost
and alone.

Saturday, November 14, 2009

Sittin' on a plane

It seems like lately I have been doing this a lot. The irony is I enjoy it. I am a traveler, a drifter, a vagabond, it is in my very nature. I think vagabond is the right term because it implies mischief or a bit of a rebel, which is also part of who I am.

It's funny because living in a place like Idaho, goes against the grain of my persona. It is such a homey place (where a lot of homey's live...sup Oakland!) and I ain't no homeboy. I mean I'm really from now where but the result of many years of transient trans-continental movement over 40-years.

The other very ironic aspect is that my whole life I have wanted to have some sense of normalcy, read: live in one place for a while. The problem with that thinking was that I don't even naturally exist in one place with any comfort. I am most comfortable moving around. And, as it turns out I am this way because my parents moved me from place to place, nation to nation as a child which created a sense of mobility. My mission in Peru was good for me in this regard. But because I was put on a plane as a child and sent off to these foreign places (Iran and Europe), my nature was changed, I believe, to one of not feeling comfortable in a single place.

Whilst my fellow Idahoans are so content on their land--farmers and even city folks who live through their fellow potato farmers who are the real land dwellers--I am not and I have noticed that throughout my life I am on edge and have that itch to always be moving stopping temporarily for breaks.

One day, I should write my history, that perhaps might be an interesting exercise because I would likely get out a lot of what is inside me, this very itchy, un-quiet spirit that is constantly wanting to explode.

The link below is an amazing find for me because when I first read this article by James Toronto, an Islamic Studies Professor at BYU, I was stunned that someone could describe me and my family, specifically my older and younger siblings (not my two youngest siblings) so accurately. I always thought I was an oddball, not like everyone says, oh I know I am so different. No, I knew I was different, I was the new kid frequently growing up, that was very difficult.

Over the years, I have spoken with other kids who grew up moving around, military brats included and I have noticed a unique theme interwoven throughout all of theirs and my own stories. We all have/had in common the fact that we were never really tied to a single place. There was not one expanse of land that could claim us. But what did that mean. On and off throughout my life I pondered this question but never came to any real solid conclusions except that I was transient in nature. My thinking, my desires, my intentions and my heart wanted and wants to always be on the move -- as was there experience. Sure some of them wanted to settle down, even I have said that before, but I tried it and even though my conscious mind said, yea, "let's do that because then you won't have to worry so much"...WRONG!

It got worse actually. Now five years after living in one single town (Rexburg, Idaho), I'm itching but have learned to manage it I think...can one ever really manage their nature? I think we can only hope to reign it in a little bit.

Anyways, if you read this article you will understand me a bit better. Enjoy...